I just don't know what to do with myself...

It's 4:11 am and I'm awake. I'm cold, I can't stop yawning and I have a wicked stomach ache. Unfortunately, I didn't sleep very well last night. In part because of my stomach and in part because I can't stop thinking about work. I don't want to be there, but I can't stop thinking about it and worrying that I missed something. That I'm behind on a due date. That a coworker had to pick up my slack. My rational side tries to remind me that I can't do anything about it immediately, everything will be taken care of in the morning, I need to sleep now, I'm not saving lives, etc. But I still can't turn the worrying off. I know part of the worry really is work related, but at least 75% of it is actually personal.

Deep down inside the scary questions keep popping up. What the heck do I want to do with the rest of my life? Why am I such a bad person? Why am I so hard on myself? Why the heck can't I worry about this during daylight hours so I can get some sleep??

And the super scary one-is it even possible to build a life around doing something I actually enjoy as my job?

In my darkest moments, the only answer I see is no. I see no other options. And I'm 31.

What the heck is wrong with me? I have no idea. But I'm finding that once I see it all written down in black and white, it seems so silly. I can do whatever I want to. As long as I try.

Rome wasn't built in a day. Progress is made in a multitude of small steps. It took me a year in a half to pay off my credit card bills. Why would my dream career happen overnight?

I feel better now. I don't know all the answers, but at least I can go back to bed. Small steps taken every day will help my life change for the better. Step one today was proving how silly I am at 4:11 in the morning. Step one is going back to bed and getting some rest for tomorrow.

4.4.11 Outfit-Ships Ahoy

I love all things nautical. Mostly because I am obsessed with French sailor shirts (I really have a thing for the French don't I? I had no idea it was this bad...) Nothing says "timeless classic" to me like a simple striped boatneck shirt. I love it! And a nautical theme always works in home decor...it reminds me of lazy summer nights and relaxing afternoons at the beach. I would probably cover my house in ropes and stripes and miniature ships and starfish if I really let myself go. But instead I'll just rock the striped tee with jaunty candy apple red flats. Do you see the little bows on them? Adorable! And a cardigan because its still freezing here.

Tee- J Crew (I loved this so much I bought 2 and paid full price for BOTH!)

Cardi- Gap (old)

Jeans- Target (the zipper's broken and I use a safety pin to keep it up)

Flats- Enzo Angiolini via DSW

Earrings- Christmas Tree Shop (seriously)

4.4.11 Outfit- Moody Monday Mode Math

My first blog post as a 31 year old. How super exciting! How could life possibly be more exciting?!? The alliteration and French in the title keep it fancy. Mode=Fashionable. Oh la la.

Today I rocked my tried-and-true cool weather outfit formula:

Colored tights+skirt+tshirt+cardigan+boots+belt=generally adorable

It's a good solution for a dreary Monday. It doesn't require too much thought, I probably have over 200 possible permutations and the results are usually cute.

Or cute enough to stare at Excel spreadsheets all day in my cube. I'm currently suffering from Excel-itis and general blah. I may as well try and look the part of a cute spunky girl. If I keep playing the part, I'm hoping the spunk will follow.

Cardi-Loft

Tee- Target

Skirt- Ann Taylor via Goodwill

Belt-Goodwill

Tights (they're forest green BTW) Hue via Marshalls

Boots-Ciao Bella via DSW (I love you boots!)

3.07.11 Outfit-Forest Hunter

I didn't intend to go to Goodwill, but that's where I ended up Saturday afternoon. I had a jacket for a theme party I never used, so I decided to try out their exchange policy. I felt a bit, how do you say, douchay exchanging it. I should have just donated it back (new and improved after a wash.) But I've already re-donated a couple things; I figured they could handle one $7 credit. I actually saw my re-donated Christmas sweater hanging up on Saturday.

In the midst of my douchay exchange, I uncovered a platinum-colored silk top from Tahari and a cotton Gap safari jacket. I have no idea what I'm going to do with the top. But how could I pass up silk Tahari for $4? This sort of behavior will get me into trouble eventually...

But I made good use of the jacket already. It washed beautifully. This outfit's nice, but I need to find something that makes it pop. Check out my sweet modeling skills. This is one of my signature moves-"trapped in the hallway."

The black dress is pretty basic cotton, but it has a nice gathered waist in front. It's from Martin+Osa, the now extinct sister brand of American Eagle. I got it for a good deal at TJs.

Keeping the tights/boot combo alive for another day.

3.01.11 Outfit The Kilt

This outfit registered a 2 on the compliment scale (one of those from a complete stranger on the way to the cafeteria!) The compliment scale is exactly what it sounds like, how many compliments I got that day. Yeah, I'm that shallow, sue me.

I found this skirt a couple months ago at the Goodwill for something like $7. I love a good thrift. It's the classic 60s/70s kilt-100% wool with leather belt-y tabs on the side. It's a little longer than I would normally wear, but I'm keeping it that way for now in homage of the era this baby came from. You can't quite tell, but my tights are actually blue. I love colored tights and boots.

Tee- TJ Maxx

Sweater- Target

Skirt- Goodwill

Tights- Hue via Marshalls

Boots- Ciao Bella via DSW

2.28.11 Outfit Post

I finally pulled it together and staged a private photo shoot! For myself, by myself. I was the best photographer and model there. In my hallway. Alone. I have to admit, it was a 2 hour ordeal getting the pics from the camera to this post. I have random holes in my basic computer knowledge!

I just resurrected the jacket from the basement. I've had this jacket forever and just couldn't bring myself to get rid of it. I took off the brass buttons ages ago.

Jacket-Target (old)

Top-Target

Pants- J crew

Boots-Ciao Bella via DSW

Fixing My Makeup

Oh, makeup. I love/hate it. Carmindy makes it looks so easy. And glamorous. But I am committed to the 5 minute face on weekdays. I guess that's what happens when you turn 30 and inherit dark under-eye circles from your mom. There's really no need to scare innocent coworkers.

Nothing bums me out more than dropping makeup. The case breaks, the mirror shatters, and it goes everywhere. Of course this happens on the day I'm running late and (of course) its a only a week old.

If it's a liquid, all you can do is clean it up the sloppy glass and cry over the lost $55. If it's a powder, I can usually use sad the remnants as a messy loose powder. That's exactly what I've been doing with my face powder for the past 2 months.


The mess it was making in my sink every morning was annoying. And then I saw this helpful hint in Rachael Ray:

With nothing to lose, I decided to give it the old college try. I gathered up my supplies and got to dropping. Eyedropping. I didn't have an eyedropper on hand (does anyone?) so I put the rubbing alcohol in an old contact solution bottle. Which I clearly labelled to avoid any angry-husband-with-burning-eyes confusion.

After I mixed it all together with one of my favorite tools, I got this paste. Not too shabby. Seriously, how great are butter knives? They can do everything.

The next morning, I had pressed powder again! It's not exactly the same as brand new, but it's a vast improvement over what I was working with before.

I've been using the reinvented compact for a couple weeks now and its working out great! Way to go RRay. Thanks to this, you annoy me less today ;)